Ich bin ein Berliner

Help! I can’t stop eating and I’m about to explode!

In Germany there are certain ancient, iron rules for hosts and guests, most of them around the creation, giving, accepting, and eating of food. Even though modern life is taking its toll, many of the friends I am visiting still follow some of these time-honored traditions.

In every house I visit there is a woman who will not be satisfied until she sees with her own eyes that I have had my fill of the delicacies that have poured forth from her kitchen in all their glory. Eating a small amount, or refusing (gasp!) to eat a second or even third portion constitute a social blunder of monumental proportions. Her honor and skill as a cook and baker would be put into question should you not be able to adequately demonstrate your complete enjoyment of her abilities.

But it’s not only cake and chocolate and baked goods dropped from heaven and home-made whipped cream. It’s fried potatoes and scrambled eggs at lunch because I don’t eat meat. And it’s asparagus time in Germany.

This is no puny, American, green asparagus. These are meaty, juicy, succulent, thick, x-rated white stalks drowning in yellow Bernaise or pure white cream sauces. Just when you think you will be able to eat no more (perhaps ever again) your hostess will tell you that everything MUST be eaten, and she’s counting on you to make a full additional serving disappear.

My protein shakes for lunch, carrots and hummus for dinner, and fitting into my clothes are all a distant memory from a time long ago and a place very far away.

Once I get to Berlin this will all change and I’ll be able to switch to my standard, healthy Berlin diet. Remember JFK’s speech in Berlin – ich bin ein Berliner? As I’m sure you know, in direct translation he was saying he was one of Berlin’s greatest treasures, a buttery, melt-in-your mouth, jelly-filled, icing dripping donut.

Well if you are what you eat then soon I will be a Berliner too.